Food for Thought
by Rubeus
Summary: Kyle gets sick of Borgoff's sausages (food, not winkies o_0), and thinks that he should invest in a gray sweater. It's better than it sounds.
1. One Lonley Sausage

_+_This is an odd Fic.. just bear with me, I was bored. Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust chars not mine... yadda yadda. I take no credit._+_  
  
It had been a relativley boring and chilly past few days. Kyle sighed, and pulled a sausage out of a small canvas sack next to Grove's bed, where he dozed peacefully. Leila was off searching for something... most likely D, and Borgoff didn't make the best conversationalist. And tragically... Nolt was dead. So there was no point in talking to him, since his body wasn't even on the tank. He could talk to Grove... but he'd jsut worry him with something, and then Grove would proabably start talking about how helpful and sweet Leila was. Besides, he figured he should let him sleep.  
  
He ripped open the package to the sausage and sighed, very, very bored. He took out one of his double sided daggers, and cut a slice off. It was not the best food in the world, but Borgoff insisted in sausage, in particular. He didn'y know why, but sausage was Borgoff's thing.  
  
Suddenly, a thougt popped into his head. He threw the somewhat lonely sausage to the ground, and walked to the front of the tank. Borgoff was humming quietly to himself in his Borgoff sort of fashion. Kyle suddenly got the image of Borgoff in a grey sweater with a pipe... singing songs about giant dolphins and the ocean. He choked down a laugh, cleared his throat, preparing to speak.  
  
"Hey, Borgoff... did you ever consider something other than... sausage?"  
  
Borgoff looked at him in shock.  
  
"What are you talking about Kyle?"  
  
"Well... um... couldn't we get like.. Spam?"  
  
"... spam?"  
  
"Well yeah!" Kyle proclaimed enthusiatically.  
  
Borgoff grunted, and told Kyle to go sit back down and look at something shiny to make it so he didn't think. Kyle thining was often a scary thing, especially when he was bored. He went and took his seat next to Grove, staring down and loathing the sausage. He kicked it to the wall, and it bounced away uneventfully. A few more minutes passed by. Kyle looked up, and decided to talk again. He once again made his way to the front of the tank.  
  
"Borgoff?"  
  
"What, Kyle?" he said, rather agitated.  
  
"You would look really awesome in a grey wool sweater."  
  
Borgoff looked at him as if he had lost his mind.  
  
"Kyle, please. I'm trying to drive."  
  
"But you always talked to Nolt when you drove!"  
  
"He generally didn't talk back and say stupid things about spam and sweaters. Go sit back down."  
  
Kyle paused, and watched Brogoff drive for about fifteen minutes. He decided to talk again.  
  
"Borgoff?"  
  
"What??"  
  
"...can we get some Spam?"  
  
Borgoff grumbled something inaudible, and stopped the tank.  
  
"As long as you shut up. And get something for Grove. Now get out. Now."  
  
Kyle blinked, and smiled, thanking his partner. He stepped out, and looked around. Slowly, it registered in his mind that they were in the middle of a desert, and that there were no stores in immediate access.  
  
"Hey Borgoff!"  
  
Borgoff smiled sadistically, and closed the door to the tank, not hesitating to take his leave immediately afterwards.  
  
"HEY!! I WAS JUST GONNA ASK WHAT GROVE WANTED!!" He jumped up and down waving his arms for about five minutes, until the tank was out of sight. He sighed in exasperation, and headed off in an arbitrary direction. 


	2. In the Mom N' Pop Store

After about a day of aimless wandering, Kyle came across a small village that they had already passed through. At least he had ended up somewhere where he was familiar with the terrian and what not. He took a small, 5 minute tour, which basically covered the whole area. He soon came across a small market.  
  
"Oh, thank Gods..."  
  
He walked in, smiling in his friendly, Kyle like manner. The Shopkeep smiled right back.  
  
"What can I do ya for, sir?" asked the hunched over little man behind the counter. He looked kind of like Santa Claus would, if he lost two-hundred pounds.  
  
Kyle dropped some coins on the counter. "I'd like to buy five cans of spam, please!" He smiled stupidly.  
  
The shopkeep looked at him as if he were insane, the way Borgoff had. In fact, he had been getting that look a lot lately, and didn't like it one bit. Maybe his brain had deteriorated from boredom or heat? He didn't know, but whatever happened, no one seemed to quite like it.  
  
"We have no... spam, young man. May I ask what it is and supply a substitute?"  
  
Kyle frowned.  
  
"It's.. like... ground up pork, with lots of sodium nitrate..."  
  
The little man stood in thought a moment, not quite sure what sodium nitrate was. All he did was sell the foods, not make it. After what had been a long, awkward and uneventful pause, he shuffled to the back of the room, and stayed there even longer than he had paused. Kyle stood impatiently fiddling with a small pocket knife that the man had left by the counter.  
  
At last, he shuffled out with something in a round plastic wrapping. Kyle studied it a moment.  
  
"This sausage is pre-cooked, and it's made completely of pork! It's a traveller's delight, and you look like a traveller."  
  
Kyle stared down at the sausage, now loathing it even more than he had before. It was even the same brand that Borgoff loved!! He pushed the sausage away, and it rolled and bounced onto the floor uneventfully. It seemed to look up at him and whimper, but of course, it hadn't. Kyle looked around the store, and saw some flasks. He had left his on the tank, and was pretty thirsty. He snatched one up, bought it, and left.  
  
He commenced his aimless wanderings, and soon found another, somewhat larger village that neighboored just about a mile from the small one. He thought that they were bigger, they must have some spam! He walked in happily, and soon found another small general store. He walked in, and saw another hunched over man, identical to the store he had just been in not a few hours ago. His jaw hung slack, and after a few moments of looking around and seeing that the store was identical as well, he thought he better ask about it.  
  
"Um... weren't you just over in that other village?"  
  
The man sighed deeply, as if Kyle had brought up a rather painful and resentful situation.  
  
"That over there... is my brother. The slimy bastard went over to the hick village leaving me alone to care for our sick brother, who died, thank you very much."  
  
Kyle stared at him a moment, and shook his head.  
  
"That dosen't explain why your stores are identical."  
  
The man looked at him, and laughed. "I had no idea that they were identical. Freaky coincidence, I suppose." He grinned a toothy, ugly grin.  
  
"Ah... Well, I need some Spam."  
  
The man stood in thought, similar to the way the last man had.  
  
"Spam.. spam... ah yes, spam!! I have that. We just got a shipment today!"  
  
Kyle's eyes lit up like a puppy who was being let out to play in the yard after being locked up all week. "Really? How much?? I'll take 5 cans!"  
  
"Sure, sure, hold on..."  
  
He shuffled to the back of the room, the same way his brother had.  
  
And, in the same way his brother had, he was back there quite awhile. Kyle noticed the exact same pocket knife, in the exact same position by the cash register. He looked at it dumbly... not quite understanding this coincidence. It was just too freaky. Nevertheless, he picked up the knife and began playing with it until the man came back out with his spam.  
  
"There ya go, sonny. That'll be $16.00 there."  
  
Kyle sifted through a small satchel that he had grabbed before he left, and pulled out a few coins, and scatterd them on the counter.  
  
"Keep the change."  
  
The man stared in disbelief down at the coins, and jaw had seemed to drop three feet from his skull.  
  
"Young man!! This is over two-hundred dollars!"  
  
By the time he had said it, Kyle was already off in search of Borgoff.  
  
In a village to far from the point of interest to matter, Suzanne was filing her nails. Kyle didn't notice. 


	3. Food Sex

Grove propped himself up on one elbow. He was somewhat worried about Leila and Kyle by now... Shouldn't have Leila come back? What was she off in search for, anyway?  
  
"Borgoff..." he whimpered as loud as he could across the tank.  
  
"Yeah, Grove? You need anything?" Borgoff replied.  
  
"I... nothing... where is Leila?"  
  
"I dunno.. can't get through to her communicator."  
  
There was an uneasy pause, as the Grove grew even more worried.  
  
"You... you don't think she was-"  
  
"Leila is allright, Grove. She's tough."  
  
Grove pouted, and fell back onto his bed. It was just to hard to hold himself up now. It seemed that he was getting weaker and weaker every time he used his power. It made him look horrible, too... like something that would float up out of a drained quarry. He sighed, getting rather depressed. He had often toyed with the idea of telling Leila that, well.. he loved her... but he seriously doubted she would love him in return. He figured it be less hart wrenching to keep it to himself.  
  
"What did she leave to do?" Grove asked, trying to get his mind off the subject.  
  
"Not sure... I think she's distracting that Dunpeal hunter." He sighed. It really didn't matter if he was distracted or not, they would get the money in the end anyway. They always did. They were the Marcus Brothers, and there was no one better.  
  
"If it will make you feel better, I can try and contact her."  
  
"...Please do." He said.  
  
Borgoff tapped at his communicator.  
  
"Hey Leila, what's your position?"  
  
There was static, and a distant reply. Grove didn't hear it, but it was more than relieving that she had replied.  
  
"Okay. Have you seen that hunter?"  
  
"No... I haven't."  
  
"Okay then, Borgoff over and out." He switched off his communicator.  
  
"See? I told you Leila would be allright. She's a tough girl. I don't think anything could bring her down."  
  
Grove smiled, and dozed back to sleep, reassured that she was allright.  
  
The tank drove on through the desert somewhat silently. They had lost track of the carriage, but had a vague idea of where they were headed, so picking up Kyle was not of much hinderance...Of course, telling Kyle where to meet him would be helpful. He turned on his communicator again. "Kyle, you there?"  
  
Once again, that tooth grinding static.  
  
"Yeah, 'goff?  
  
"Meet me in the village of Denia, we're almost there."  
  
"Right... um.. okay.. I'm already there."  
  
Borgoff bit his lip in agitation.  
  
"So, what's the problem then?"  
  
"None... I guess."  
  
"You guess?"  
  
"I... can't find my money. I had about $200.00, and I can't find it anywhere."  
  
Borgoff sighed, and turned off his communicator. There was no point in talking to this dimwit at the moment. His brain was obviously still fried. Maybe this little vacation had helped it a little. He didn't bother to tell him that they weren't going to be there for the next day and a half. Borgoff laughed, and kept on driving though the night.  
  
******  
  
Kyle looked about, feeling extremely lost, poor, and in general, abandoned. Being abandoned was possibly the worst feeling in the world to him. Especially since he had realized that it was just the heat getting to him that made him want spam so bad. Personally, he had nothing against the sausages. They were cool sausages. If they could talk, he thought they would probably be as cool as Nolt... or himself. But it was too bad they couldn't. He figured that if a sausage could talk, it's have some pretty interesting things to say about being a pig's liver in it's past life.  
  
But now, it was time to stop thinking about sausages and spam. He took on brave step forward, looking around again. Maybe some kind.. very kind person would let him stay at an inn if he explained that he was one of the Marcus brothers. Yes.. that seemed like a good plan.  
  
Once again, he started off in an arbitrary direction, but with some reason. He didn't know where the heck an inn was, so there was no point in not looking for one in a random direction. He had nothing to lose.  
  
Soon, which was in about a minute, he came across a cozy little cottage, that was advertised as an inn. He pushed open the door, and looked around, smiling. It came to his attention that there were several young men and women clad in leather with studs, buckles, belts.. anything black and leather in existence that was wearable seemed to have congregated in this inn. Also, it didn't register that there was an awkward squirming in the corner, where a boy was tied up, and some chick was in between his legs.  
  
He walked up to the only man who wasn't in leather, and calmly... slowly... explained the situtation.  
  
The man frowned, and after thinking over the pros and cons, he decided to let the man stay.  
  
"Hell you keep our towns free of those goddamn bloodsuckers, I'll let ya stay for free, just this once." He winked. "Now, would you like a companion for the night?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, I suppose." he said, still not noticing the leather and surprising amount of skin exposed. The man whistled, and a young woman came bounding over happily.  
  
"Now, Kah'ren.. this nice man here is one of the Marcus brothers. Keep him company, will you? He can't pay, but I'd say killing vampires is payment enough."  
  
She smiled, and took Kyle by the arm. "I'll show you to your room."  
  
She led him up a case of stairs, and down a hallway, which was decorated with odd paintings of people having sex... styled kind of middle eastern, or tibetan, or something. Kyle wondered breifly about this, but then he realized that he was extremely hungry, and all suspicion seemed to have subsided.  
  
She pushed him gently into his room, and shut the door quietly behind him.  
  
"So.. leather is in this year, is it?" Kyle smilied politely.  
  
The girl nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess."  
  
"So, what was your name, Karen, or something?"  
  
She nodded, and swayed her way over to Kyle. She pushed him backwards with one finger, and he tumbled backwards onto a bed with satin sheets, and miscellanous furs scattered about.  
  
"Oh.. am I supposed to go to sleep...? Okay then..." He pulled off his boots, and curled up under a large skin of a wolf.  
  
Kah'ren rolled her eyes. Why did these guys always pretend that they didn't want any... when they actually did? She climbed onto the bed, slowly, leaning over slighly to make sure everything that he might want to see was in sight.  
  
Kyle looked up from under the skin.  
  
"You know what? I'm really... really hungry." He grabbed his bag, and pulled out a can of spam and began nibbling on it. Suddenly, the girl's eyes went wide, and she lept upon him, almost growling. She kissed him fiercely, tasting that sweet.. succulent, delicious ground meat. Kyle's eyes were probably an inch out of his skull. He dropped the can, and let the girl do her work, not knowing what to say. Of course, now, the girl was clearly not interested in him. She was constantly watching the spam as she teased him, as if it were an animal plotting it's escape.  
  
In short, it was one of the luckiest/bizarre nights Kyle had ever experienced.  
  
_+_ Hey there, people! I might continue this.. I might not. Depends. I have no clue where it is going, so please tell me what you think, and heck... I may write more. ^_^ _+_ 


	4. The End or is it?

_+_ Next Chapter!! Yay! I thought I should continue just for shits and giggles. =P _+_  
  
Kyle awoke the next morning with a splitting headache. He looked around the bed, and saw random leather straps everywhere...  
  
He blinked, trying to find a connection in his mind. He got up, and tumbled his way into the restroom, suddenly noticing he was naked.  
  
//Didn't I go to bed dressed...?// he thought. He tried to find a connection in his mind, but to no avail. He lazily found a toothbrush that the inn had provided, and a single serving tube of toothpaste.  
  
As he brushed his teeth, he tried to think what had happened last night. Maybe... maybe Leila had raped him. No.. that was a ridiculous assumption. She wasn't the type to do that. Not only that, she wasn't a bondage girl, so he wondered why there were leather straps all over the bed. He shook his head, and tried to forget about it. He found his way back to the bed, and searched through his knapsack for something to eat. He came across several empty, rectangular cans, with the word "Spam" on them.  
  
//Spam...? What was I on?//  
  
He tossed the cans into a corner, and went digging for something else. He pulled out one of those sausages, and suddenly everything came flooding back to him. The sausages, the sweaters, and that weird Kah'ren girl that had...  
  
Oh my God!! He had slept with a whore!! Not that it was a new thing but.. He frantically searched through his bag to check if anything was missing. He didn't have any money, so they couldn't have taken that.. but...  
  
Nothing seemed to be missing. He calmed down, shrugged, and threw back on his clothing. Suprisingly, it did not carry the odors that he usually did after such a night. He stretched, yawned, and thought that it was a chilly morning out.  
  
Chilly.. Maybe that's why he thought the spam was stupid now. He was back in his right mind. The heat always seemed to get to him, and make him do stupid things... like sleep with women without even knowing it and go on adventures for spam.  
  
After gathering his belongings, he left the inn, and returned to the small market where he had left all of his money. The owner of the store let him have whatever he wanted, and Kyle wasn't sure why. He assumed it was because he was a Marcus brother. After getting a few sausages, and mineral water with some herbal medicines for Grove, he went ourtside and wandered for awhile, waiting for the tank, which Kyle had recently named the "Christ Mobile". After nearly an hour of sitting near the entrance of the village, the Christ Mobile had finally showed up.  
  
******  
  
Kyle stepped on, slinging his sack over his shoulder. He noticed that something was different, but ignored it. He handed the medicines and water the Grove, and the sausages to Borgoff. And then it hit him. Borgoff was wearing a gray sweater.  
  
Kyle's mouth hung agape. Grove smiled nervously, and Borgoff sat in embarassed silence. Kyle broke the silence with a maniacal laughter.  
  
"Oh my God!! You took me seriously!! Holy Fuck!!" He fell to his knees holding his stomach, feeling as if it would split. He rolled, and laughed until tears were streaming down his eyes. Grove thought it wasn't that funny, and nudged Kyle a bit to try and subdue his laughter. Not only that, Borgoff seemed pissed. A dead silence descended the tank, save for Kyle's laughing and belittling remarks.  
  
Borgoff stood up, and looked to his companion, smiling.  
  
"So you like it do you?"  
  
******  
  
"HEY MAN!! I WAS JOKING!!" Kyle jumped up and down waving his arms at the tank, chasing after it desperately. But Borgoff had it at full speed, and refused to let Kyle back on. He chased until he collapsed heaving and whooping pathetically for air. After he recovered, he stood, and continued jumping up and down, waving insanely until the tank was out of site. He once again headed off in an arbitrary direction, in search of civilization.  
  
THE END  
  
_+_Sorry, that chapter was pretty short. I got lazy. ^_^ I'll figure out something original to write soon. -_-_+_ 


End file.
